Cars at 6 a.m.

It’s been a month since my last post. Wow, I would forget how to write at this rate.

On Monday the 4th, I started my new job. It’s embarrassing, but I was so nervous that I woke up before 4 a.m.

Once I left home, I became certain that there’s something magical about the air at 6 in the morning. I’d missed it, that strange feeling of new breath, and I hadn’t realized it until I met it again. There also is that serenity around the languid pace of cars passing by, preparing for a hectic day ahead. A whole life had been my room’s window away from me, a life that I had to take a lovely break from, but one which I truly missed.

As a person who feels at ease with schedules and routines, I appreciate having to wake up early and going to work. It is far too soon to determine what I feel about this particular job, but I’ve yet to have that dreadful realization of making a wrong decision. People who know me asked, and my description of the job received, “It suits you.” I sure hope it does.

I often use the phrase “bottom of the food chain,” to describe someone who is completely new to a situation, and yes, I do extend the analogy. The marine food chain, to be specific. In my new workplace, sharks and whales are incredibly kind, and everyone around me is so knowledgeable. Instead of discouragement, I feel like there’s so much room to grow.  I am intimidated but looking forward to upgrading to a secondary consumer. إن شاء الله God Willing.

On other news, I got accepted as a columnist in Sail E-magazine! My first article will be published in the October issue, as far as I know. To keep up with that role, I remade my reading/writing twitter and hopefully, will not abandon it anymore. I’ll look forward to seeing you over there :).  

 

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Conviction

“You don’t really love your God as much as you say you do.”

I am unaware of the faith practiced by the doctor who said this peculiar, borderline-offensive phrase. Him being Indian, however, may have convinced me of the spirituality of the matter (forgive my occasional belief of this stereotype). It is important to mention that said doctor was not a psychiatrist, but what brought about this sentence was his knowledge of internal medicine.

He’d said that to a relative of mine who had stomach problems, and it somehow might have been the exact thing I wanted to hear.

Because I have a number of such issues myself, I had visited numerous professionals. It was diagnosed over and over again as stress, anxiety, or overthinking. “Try to calm down,” they would say, or, “you’re too young to be this stressed.” Futile, really, because it is almost impossible to be relieved with a few words.

But what this particular doctor did was force an immediate link to spirituality.

His objective was to emphasize the relation between health and faith. No matter what religion is yours, it is human nature to want something to hold on to, to believe in. All the anxiety I have been going through is related, in one way or another, to the future. What ifs and whens are destructive, and being someone of a religion that is not passive, but one that encourages you to try your best and leave it all up to the Almighty, I should be able to overcome such fears. Faith is crucial, but so is the effort.

I had promised that this wouldn’t be another automatic list of things to do when anxiety pulls you down. But always bear in mind, Dear Reader, previous stressful times; you’ve pulled through then and hence are stronger now. It has always been, to me, a comforting thought how today’s struggles will not mean much a year from now. Sometimes matters cannot be helped, and in such cases, acceptance is key.

I hope I do not come across as a preacher because I am not. I am only human. Despite the ease of pen to paper, the application is difficult.

Relieving your fear of the future, letting go of your feelings of inadequacy, and turning away the thoughts of people’s eyes will never be easy to those who have them so deeply embedded.

But just think of the size of Earth, Dear Reader.

Breathe. Take your pills if you need them and keep in mind the following verse of the Quran, the Holy Book of Islam, that I am sure will bring solace to you no matter your faith or beliefs:

 

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